Merry Christmas everyone!  It's that time of year again, and while I'm normally a 'Grinch' this time of year, I'm feeling all light and airy for some reason. 

I'll be going through the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping tomorrow, hoping with crossed fingers, that I can still find things I need to get to make it all work right. 

Why have I waited until the last minute, you might ask?  Well, it's sort of tradition.  My husband and I usually have a rough month in December and in to the beginning of the year, and we have for quite some time now.  But it's all good.  Seriously.  I'm thinking positively now.  He's working.  Full-time.  It's working out schedule wise.  We have support from family and friends.  So I really think 2011 is going to be OUR year. 

I'm writing still and I'm still surprisingly having a great time enjoying the story.  I just wish I could clone myself so that I could write faster and get it out quicker, but alas that technology isn't available for purchase (at least not in my budget, lol).  I've got things planned for 2011 (involving writing of course) and I plan on reading more, call it a New Years resolution.  Which reminds me ... here is my 2011 resolution list:

1.  STOP drinking soda/sugary drinks - if I'm EVER going to lose weight and keep it off, I have to revert myself back to when I was in high school and soda was a special treat.  I'm trying to teach my oldest about the 'evils' of soda, but it's not going to stick in his head until I actually make a better example of myself; thus I've got to kick the habit and do it quick!

2.  Read more - Stephen King said it best ... he reads, reads, reads, writes, reads, reads and reads some more.  If I'm EVER going to be any where near a true success story, I've got to keep reading.  It doesn't matter what I read either ... indie, trad, magazines, whatever ... as long as my brain is reading, I'll be happy.  I don't want to set myself up with a number of books to reach, because I don't want to set myself up for failure.  I'll just say it point blank, read more.  I'll be happy if I can get 2 books or even 500 books read in 2011.

3.  Write more - The only way I'm going to be a better writer, is if I keep writing.  So the obvious one here is ... write.  Whatever comes to my mind.  Even if that means actually keeping up with this blog (which I always have a habit of starting blogs or journals or notebooks, only to give up entirely on them six weeks later).  I'm going to try and write short stories.  More poems (even if they're not selling and they're there purely for my enjoyment).  And eventually, hopefully, more novels.

4.  Spend more time with my kids - Well that's a given, but I'd really love to go on fun day trips with them.  Take them to the library. Take them to a petting zoo.  Take them mini-golfing.  Something fun and out of their normal routine.

5.  The usual 'watch what I eat', - But I may take it to the next level if money permits.  Everyone talks about Weight Watchers and how wonderful it is.  I will admit I tried it in high school (when I was a senior and at my heaviest in child/teen-hood), and it never stuck.  I found myself not really 'wanting' to go along with everything.  I was stubborn.  I felt my weekly 60 minute dance class (jazz) was enough exercise for the week.  Boy was I so wrong.  Did you know you're supposed to break a sweat for at least a 30 minute interval every day?  Eek!  I haven't broken a sweat like that except for my weekly cleaning of my bathroom.

6.  Teach my children how to pick up after themselves - I don't make a mess.  I hate messes!  I cringe at cleaning, but know that if I don't do it the mess will remain.  My hugest problem with cleaning large messes is, I don't ever know where to start!  The biggest culprits of messes in my home (aside from my slovenly husband) are my children.  I've taught them how to do laundry, but they never follow through with the rules. Now that I'm not working like a crazy banshee I can take the time to guide them in weekly chores and enforce those chores/rules when I'm home.


Well that's it for now ... I'd add things like, save money, budget, time management, be friendly, smile more...etc, but let's just start with the bigger things first and see how those go before I add more things to my plate. :)

Merry Christmas (Happy Holidays, whichever holiday you celebrate this time of year) and Happy New Year!!  May 2011 be a wonderful year for you!!!

<3<3 Julie <3<3

Tonight is the night my husband starts his new job!  I'm so nervous for him as this will be a huge change for him.  His whole day will be flip-flopped from now on.  But he really earned this new job and it's with a really great company!  They supposedly treat their employees really well, great benefits and a real family atmosphere.  I'm tingling with excitement!

Once he continues working things, for us, will hopefully settle into place.  I have really high hopes.

Well ... that's the news for today.  I know it's not related to my writing, but it a way it does sort of affect it. 

Have a wonderful Thursday, everyone!

Most people don't know my personal life, which is very normal, but this morning I woke up with a really positive attitude.  I don't know why, but I opened my eyes first thing and everything seemed to be sparkly and exciting.  Maybe it's because I got a good night's sleep.  Maybe it's because my husband (who's been out of work for a while) is starting a new job that is really good to their employees.  Maybe it's because my children got up and, unlike every morning for the past two years, there wasn't any fighting.  I just don't know, but I like it! 

Despite not promoting The Kindness of Strangers 7 wonderful people have purchased it this month, including one purchase sometime late, late last night or early, early this morning.  I know there are issues with it, but I do hope they like it! 

As I sat at my computer last night, a vision popped in my head and it was a vision of Lucious (a character from From Heaven) and Sunny (another character from From Heaven) standing together, draped in a black, silk sheet in red cloak-like garments.  Just seeing that image sent an exciting shiver up my spine.  I knew exactly how Lucious managed to seduce Sunny! 

Yesterday I was lacking in confidence and today I feel like I'm oozing in it.  What a difference, huh?

I'm still going to step away for a few days; see if I can get more visions, more ideas of how the story is going to progress.  I have Phoebe's lust for Michael to think about.  Micheal's inability to figure out what his mission is.  Sacha & William's conversation with 'Him'.  How Demi gets involved and what she does to redeem herself, if she even does redeem herself.  How Justin and Buttercup will eventually go from minor characters to perhaps maybe a little more.  And will Biddy-Kitty survive it all? 

I guess for those of you watching/reading, you will just have to stay tuned ...

Now a question for you, which I also posted on my FB page:  How many chapters do you want to read before the book is completed?  Do you want me to keep posting them until the book is finished; then once I actually have it edited and published, take it down?  Or is 5 chapters plenty to entice you to wait until it's completed?  What's your feeling/opinion?

Last thought for the day (unless something else occurs today, of course), I truly hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!  I hope my positive feelings for today and vibe make your day even better and brighter!

<3 Julie <3

I'm not sure but for some reason, while I'm re-reading what I've done for From Heaven, I'm not feeling as confident as a writer as I thought I was.  I love to write.  I really and truly do!  I feel like ... like I should invest in a course on creative writing, to force myself to think outside the box and get more experience with structure, flow and development.

The downer to that is ... I don't have the time, nor the money.

So with this being said, do I just give up?  Should I forgo my dream of becoming an author with several published books under my belt?

It's incredibly difficult to read some of my previously written pieces.  Without that constant encouragement, it's really hard to keep pushing forward.  Especially when I see so many others making a boat-load of sales and getting so many fan letters and wonderful 5 star reviews.  What do I have? 

Not to downplay the reviews I've received, because they're lovely, and not to say I don't appreciate the two or three fan letters (quotes/statements on FB), but ... I'm lucky if I've made enough money to fill my gas tank one time.  Am I sounding greedy or selfish right now?  Probably, but it's not intentional.

I love to read, I really do, but I rarely get the opportunity to actually sit down and enjoy a good book.  When I say, sit down and enjoy a good book, that doesn't mean I haven't been reading good books of late.  That just means I'm reading, but I'm not enjoying my surroundings.  My house is pure chaos up until, sometimes as late as, 9 pm.  By that time, after social-networking and doing the 'motherly' and 'wifely' things I need to get done, I'm pooped and ready for bed!  I can't take my computer (which now holds the majority of my books) to bed with me.  I can't afford a Kindle.  So what does that mean?  I'm not reading as much as I should.

Without reading, how can I better my craft?  I truly feel I can't.  It's from reading that I get my best ideas (no, not copying other authors, ideas just pop in my head as I'm reading and they'll have absolutely nothing to do with the story I'm enjoying).

So now, seeing my peers gleefully (and rightfully) announcing their thousands of sales, hundreds of reviews and other success stories ... it makes me feel left out.  I don't have a thin skin.  I can take criticism very well and actually thrive on it as long as it's constructive.  But what happens when there aren't any criticisms?  What happens when you pour your heart and soul into something, thinking it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, only to have it torn apart by someone who didn't enjoy it or pick up it's subtle hints.

That's my problem...I want so badly for From Heaven to be the next thing.  The story that will allow me to share in the praise and gleefully announce that I have sold over 10,000 copies in a month (ha! wishful thinking much!) or received hundreds of wonderful reviews.  The only way I'm going to get there is if my story is just that good ... but I'm not feeling so confident. 

This is why I stopped writing The Last Curl.  I just couldn't push forward and everything crashed around me.  I'm not a stay-at-home-mom that can write all day when my kids are at school or down for naps.  I'm not a single person with a part-time job that can spend the rest of my free time writing.  I'm a full time mother, full time wife, full time worker and a full time friend.  It makes writing, my hobby (once my passion and my way of escaping from, and coping with, my childhood and teen years), take a back burner; and because of that, it takes quite a toll on the actual story.

So perhaps I should once again step back, step away from the story, and re-evaluate it at a later time.  Or maybe I'm just having a bad day.  All in all ... I'm just not feeling very confident right now and it's not a great feeling, not at all.

I've decided I'm not going to promote The Kindness of Strangers for a bit.  I've still got the BBOS (Brown Bar of Shame) and it's the 3rd day of December, and I'm actually OK with this.  I didn't realize, when I went through with publishing it, that it had so many problems until several reviewers commented on them.  Luckily those reviewers had a heart and instead of giving me a poor rating (like a 1 star and bashed it senselessly as I've seen happen before with other authors), they privately messaged me and told me where some of my strengths and weaknesses were.

Strengths:
- Solid main characters.
- Great story, keeps the reader involved.
- Starting topic: meaning, the main topics of the story are starting to be more widespread and most reviewers were interested in how I was going to take it.  Would my character continue to be a victim or would she go above it all?

Weaknesses:
- Cliched at times (I guess I can't put the accent over the 'e', just pretend it's there please).
- Grammar/run-on sentences/improper usage of commas/adverbs
- Introduce characters that quickly disappear (for example: Siobhan and Marjorie).
- A lot of telling, not showing.
- Improper usage of places (the readers who don't know the area you're talking about, aren't going to be able to visualize where they are because they've never been there and I'm not showing the area well.  Too much 'telling').
- The ending is weak.
- Head-hopping between characters.  Too many POV changes within the same chapter.

So just by putting the strengths and weaknesses together on the same page, the weaknesses outweigh the strengths.  This tells me it obviously needs a tremendous amount of editing.  The problem is, I'm just not into it right now.  I have so much going on in my personal life that it's hard to concentrate on going through it with a fine tooth comb. 

My good fortune, however, has allowed me to come across several excellent authors and reviewers who have given me a lot of suggestions, and one author (also an English teacher) has offered to help me go through it during her free time.  She's given me the first two chapters and it's already coming together nicely (and she's very encouraging also ... when I wanted to give it all up, she gave me enough positive reinforcement that I decided not to scrap or toss it into the trash bin of my computer memory).  Hopefully with her edits and a little free time, I'll be able to re-introduce it as 'New & Improved' sometime next year (I'm thinking May, this way all the immigration & taxation stuff will be done).

For now, though, I'm really going to continue focusing on my current WIP, From Heaven.  I'm having such a great time writing it, and it's not bringing up any painful memories so it's almost like cutting warm butter - easy peasy!  When I actually get some dedicated time (which is rare without some kind of interruption), it flows right out of my mind and out through my fingertips onto the keyboard.  I'm really proud of it so far.

In the very beginning I had a wholly different take on it and thanks to a few beginning beta readers, I scrapped it all and started all over.  I really enjoy it now, and really appreciative of those first few readers who had enough courage to tell me the truth. (*NOTE* I am a person who can take criticism.  I do NOT lash out on other people for not liking something I've done, as long as they're not bashing me in a hurtful way.  I am not perfect and need to learn, and the only way I'll learn is if someone can guide me in a positive way.  So with this being said, never be afraid to tell me what you really feel!)  I may not take everyone's advice, but I do carefully put it into consideration and try to re-work it as much as I can.  One reader suggested making the 2nd chapter the 1st chapter.  I mulled it over and asked a few other readers what they thought, and they disagreed.  If things change down the road and I take it into a different direction (you never know what your characters are really going to do until they do it), then perhaps changing the chapter order might be appropriate.

I had this same issue with The Kindness.  As I was writing it, I had several readers read it and offer their suggestions.  Originally the first chapter was a preface.  I didn't want to focus on the child abuse part, because it was a bit uncomfortable for me and brought up a lot of bad memories.  But after hearing the readers thoughts, I knew I had to give it more attention and make it the first chapter.  Chapter 2 only became part of the story because another reader told me I didn't give enough back story, and that made her feel nothing for the main character, Sydney.  Sydney wasn't always a victim and I wanted that to be known, it helped explain why she was able to bound back and survive, unlike so many other children who can never shake their abuse and struggle in life just to have a bond with another person.

But I digress.  My main point for this blog was to thank all the readers who have purchased The Kindness of Strangers, and to tell them that even if they read it and loved/hated it, hopefully the *New & Improved* version will be a home-run for them again/now.  I will not be promoting it until it has been fully edited, but I won't remove it also (to give any readers who may be interested a chance to read it if they choose).  I will be focusing on From Heaven, and then The Last Curl, and truly hope you will all enjoy it once they are released.

Thank you so much!

- <3 Julie <3 -