The downer to that is ... I don't have the time, nor the money.
So with this being said, do I just give up? Should I forgo my dream of becoming an author with several published books under my belt?
It's incredibly difficult to read some of my previously written pieces. Without that constant encouragement, it's really hard to keep pushing forward. Especially when I see so many others making a boat-load of sales and getting so many fan letters and wonderful 5 star reviews. What do I have?
Not to downplay the reviews I've received, because they're lovely, and not to say I don't appreciate the two or three fan letters (quotes/statements on FB), but ... I'm lucky if I've made enough money to fill my gas tank one time. Am I sounding greedy or selfish right now? Probably, but it's not intentional.
I love to read, I really do, but I rarely get the opportunity to actually sit down and enjoy a good book. When I say, sit down and enjoy a good book, that doesn't mean I haven't been reading good books of late. That just means I'm reading, but I'm not enjoying my surroundings. My house is pure chaos up until, sometimes as late as, 9 pm. By that time, after social-networking and doing the 'motherly' and 'wifely' things I need to get done, I'm pooped and ready for bed! I can't take my computer (which now holds the majority of my books) to bed with me. I can't afford a Kindle. So what does that mean? I'm not reading as much as I should.
Without reading, how can I better my craft? I truly feel I can't. It's from reading that I get my best ideas (no, not copying other authors, ideas just pop in my head as I'm reading and they'll have absolutely nothing to do with the story I'm enjoying).
So now, seeing my peers gleefully (and rightfully) announcing their thousands of sales, hundreds of reviews and other success stories ... it makes me feel left out. I don't have a thin skin. I can take criticism very well and actually thrive on it as long as it's constructive. But what happens when there aren't any criticisms? What happens when you pour your heart and soul into something, thinking it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, only to have it torn apart by someone who didn't enjoy it or pick up it's subtle hints.
That's my problem...I want so badly for From Heaven to be the next thing. The story that will allow me to share in the praise and gleefully announce that I have sold over 10,000 copies in a month (ha! wishful thinking much!) or received hundreds of wonderful reviews. The only way I'm going to get there is if my story is just that good ... but I'm not feeling so confident.
This is why I stopped writing The Last Curl. I just couldn't push forward and everything crashed around me. I'm not a stay-at-home-mom that can write all day when my kids are at school or down for naps. I'm not a single person with a part-time job that can spend the rest of my free time writing. I'm a full time mother, full time wife, full time worker and a full time friend. It makes writing, my hobby (once my passion and my way of escaping from, and coping with, my childhood and teen years), take a back burner; and because of that, it takes quite a toll on the actual story.
So perhaps I should once again step back, step away from the story, and re-evaluate it at a later time. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day. All in all ... I'm just not feeling very confident right now and it's not a great feeling, not at all.