But it just wouldn't happen for me yesterday.
To back up a bit, I've been writing a few novels. The Last Curl is about a first time foster mother and her relationship (worries, stresses, life) with this little girl who comes to live with her. The foster mother doesn't realize that her own life is crumbling around her; her marriage is failing, her children are having issues of their own, and with all this going on, the little girl she is taking care of and fights to keep, develops cancer. Sound like a good story so far? Well ... I've only got like six chapters done. I started it over a year ago now. I loved writing it at first. I wanted to keep writing. But then life got in the way. I tried to pick it up again a month or so ago, but as I was re-reading it, I began to think how awful it was. How could I make so many stupid mistakes? How did I miss all those adverbs that just don't do anything but add fill? I started to edit it, and gave up when my eyes started to shut and I began to doze.
If I can't keep my eyes open while reading it, how am I going to expect a reader to keep their eyes open?
My other novel, From Heaven. After all of the successes A. Hocking has been having with her paranormal romance series, I decided I wanted to take a stab at it too and write something light and fluffy. Something without such heavy topics (cancer, dying, abuse, etc). I conceived the initial idea of William and Sacha's love and their producing a child, Sunny. It grew from there. I haven't really touched it again in over three months though, and I wanted it to be published by February when I initially created it. When I decided Sunday it was time to get that book done, to get it off my plate, I went back and re-read everything I had previously written and ended up dozing again.
Why is my own writing putting me to sleep?!
This must mean I'm a terrible writer! This must mean I should give up!
I felt awful.
I told myself I would take up the 7000 word challenge this week and I would write my little heart out. I have the drive and the desire, but after reading my own work I just couldn't. I felt like such a failure. I really wanted to give up yesterday. Wanted to delete all my work. Delete all my authorly pages (website, FB page, Twitter, etc). It's not like I haven't before. I have. I have burned and shred so many WIP's it's not even funny at this point.
Stephen King re-read his story 'Carrie', and threw it in the trash thinking it was awful and would never sell. It was his wife Tabitha that saved it and encouraged her husband to continue. He even dedicated it to her. Stephen King is my idol! He has a way with words. He takes something so innocent and twists it to horrify the reader. My favorite book of his is 'Salem's Lot'. I also love his memoir 'On Writing'.
After a few encouraging words from some of my author friends, I remembered even Stephen King doubted himself at one point. Doubted his abilities and was going to give it all up. If Stephen King, my idol, could get back on the horse and try, try again - so could I.
So this morning I'm taking it easy on myself. I'm going through a short story I wrote and will be contributing to 4 Corners Press debut anthology. It's a short I wrote for another contest that wasn't accepted. Perhaps this will be my Stephen King moment? Perhaps this short story will be my gateway into something good. Lord knows I need something good right now.